Romance is Not Enough

1. The number 1 mistake women make is getting married because they are in love! Being in love in itself is not a good enough reason to marry. Women fall in love for many reasons – it doesn't mean the man they have fallen in love with will be a good partner. Choosing a good partner makes all the difference between having a harmonious marriage and a difficult marriage. Plus you have to realize that just because you are a certain way now does not mean you will stay the same. In my opinion, the man you are going to be involved with will pretty much stay the same minus anything major happening in his life. So, just because you love that man who acts like a child now, does not mean that he will be a catch when you get older.

 
2. Women need to seriously question how well they can work together for a lifetime. Do they complement each other? In an informal survey of women conducted by the author in May 2009, one woman (married for 20 years) said "I fell in love with 3 completely different men before I finally married. If I had married any of them, I would have ended up with an adrenaline junkie, a compulsive cheater or an emotionally stunted husband! Each taught me a valuable lesson about what I didn't want and the result is that I married a good man who still spoils me 20 years later."
 
3. Many women believe in the "and they lived happily ever after" ending. Women are fed romantic ideals from the day they are born. Books and movies aimed at girls invariably promote the big wedding to the perfect man as the ideal ending. Is it any wonder women don't tend to look past the romance of the wedding to the 50 or so years of marriage that follows! Romance is nice but after being together for awhile, things change.
 
4. Women believe that he will always be as romantic as he is now. Often women have very unrealistic expectations based on the way their partner behaved during the courtship phase. That doesn't mean women have to give up on romance, just that they shouldn't expect a "grand gesture" every day. In fact, it is okay for the woman to be the one to instigate romantic occasions and remind men of the many small romantic gestures which make her feel special. Most men stop being romantic or really caring as much after he knows that he has you. This has always been one of the biggest problems I have with men. They will wine and dine you until you are blue in the face, but the moment he knows that you aren't planning on going anyway, instead of saying he loves you, he is going to be asking you why he doesn't have any clean pants to wear to work. So if you want romance, you have to be the one to start it and if he isn't doing anything back, then you either have to live with it or move on.
 

Women Abandon Too Much For The Relationship

1. They often give up their friends and interests when they fall in love. With the thrill of being in love, it is too easy for women to put friends and family, hobbies and sports on the backburner. This is a fundamental mistake to make because a) women depend on support networks throughout their lives and b) men just can't be everything to a woman. It is asking too much of them. Plus, you also have to look out for what he is asking of you as well. Does he want you to give up your hobbies and friends because he wants you all to himself? More then likely if you make the sacrifice with or without his permission so to speak, eventually you will be the one who is going to be alone while he is going to have friends and hobbies to do without you. So, you will have no one but him.

 
2. Women lose their sense of "self". Getting into an intense relationship before they've developed a clear sense of their own identity is another common mistake young women make. Without a clear sense of self, women identify overly with their partner and find it difficult to stand up for themselves and their own needs. This will eventually lead to resentment and even depression. Even if you have a clear definition of "self" it is easy to lose it because I find that women sacrifice a hell of a lot more in a relationship than any man does. Men are the way they are because they want to be, women tend to change because they either can think they can change their man or if they can change themselves, then they will be happier. This does not work, trust me, I have been there and still am sort of there. You will end up losing yourself and you will become lonely and depressed and do you think that he will even really care about how you feel? No, because he just wants his pants washed.
 
3. They settle. A lot of women start to panic if they aren't married by their mid-20s, and that ol' biological clock starts ticking loudly. The result is that they make excuses and rationalizations to themselves about a relationship that is past its "use-by" date. Marrying someone because they are afraid to be alone is unfair to themselves and their partner. This is easier said then done because this is more then just the whole, I need to have children thing. I am sick, so of course I don't want to be alone and I don't think that I could survive on my own so I have to settle for something less because I literally have no where else to go. if you have a choice in the matter, then choose your happiness.
 
4. They rush into marriage. It almost seems to be a race across the wedding finishing line for many young women. Marriage can last an eternity, but the single 20s only lasts a decade at the most! Just because a woman has found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with, doesn't mean she has to marry him straight away. They should enjoy their youth so that they will not have any regrets later.
 

Women Don't Do Their Research Before Choosing a Husband

1. They don't have conversations about serious issues before getting married. Women need to talk to their partners about where they both stand on issues that can make or break a marriage. They need to talk about the number of children they both want, is she intending to stay home to raise them, where each person's priorities lie, spending styles, dreams and goals, where they see themselves 20 years from now, parenting styles, sharing of responsibilities, etc. Women need to know beforehand if his beliefs are incompatible with theirs. This alone can determine how happy or conflicted a marriage is. If there are things that you refuse to budge on and he has a different view, you might as well look somewhere else because he isn't going to budge and you will more than likely change your view to make him happy and then you will be miserable. I don't want any human kids but the guy I am with wants more kids even though I feel he doesn't take responsibility for them now, not to mention I don't want to deal with kids. I know that if I marry him, it will end up in divorce because he will eventually be mad at me for not wanting kids and knowing me I will more likely give in because I always put myself last and I don't want to be miserable the rest of my life. If nothing else, date him, but don't marry him and do not consider giving him what he wants if you are against it. I don't want my ears peirced, but that doesn't stop him from asking me to do it every flipping day and I always that line, "but if you love me you would do it." "Well, if you love me then you wouldn't pressure me to do it."

 
2. They have sex before "sussing out" the guy. Women need to make sure that he is someone they have the potential to be happy with, before they jump into bed with him. Afterwards, their hormones are likely to override their commonsense. This is how the Bree Van Der Camps of the world find themselves married to the Tommy Lee Jones of the world! Sometimes this works because their fundamental beliefs are the same, but it is important not to let hormones make that decision. A man has to be good in bed before I consider dating him, but for the most part women tend to get feelings after they sleep with a guy. The problem I always had was making my dating decisions off of how good they are in bed and staying with him even though he was a complete jerk any other time.
 
3. They believe that they can change the man. Women have a tendency to gloss over qualities they don't like in a man, telling themselves "Oh, he'll change" or "I'll work on that". If a woman does manage to bully a man into changing, their relationship will suffer. Women need to either accept and enjoy the differences between them or create an environment that encourages the man to want to change for the woman. On a personal note here: MEN WILL NOT CHANGE FOR A WOMAN. Why? Because it makes them feel like less of a man if they do something because of a woman. They may change their behavior for awhile to get something they want from a woman, but in reality, he is going to be the same.