Ok, for anyone who does not know what is going on, I have decided to end my marriage of 13 years. We are not technically divorced since we need some money, but we are not living together.
This is what got me confused this morning. He is suppose to come over to see the kids, but he told me it won't be until later. Well, I had plans to go somewhere later and now I have to stay here until he gets here. Anyway, I am not really mad about that, but he has an appointment for physical therapy for his back. I almost fell off the bed because I could not believe he was going to try and do something about his back. For the past 10 years I have been telling him to go see some doctors about your back and all he kept telling was that he will be fine or that he has to take care of me, or we just don't have enough money because I am the one who needs medication. So, after a few weeks of him moving out, he is going to see a physical therapist? This kind of makes me feel frustrated because I feel that he did not go because he was blaming me for being sick (I have fibromyalgia).
The other thing I am asking WTF about is that he just does not want anything at all except for a few items and his truck. I told him to please take his roll top because it is not like I really have room for it and he said he doesn't want to take anything because he does not want things around him to remind him of me, yet he has his wedding ring and the key to the house he use to live in (the one I am still currently living in) around his neck.
I realize that he is hurting and even though I am also hurting (a little less each day) because I have spent most of my life with him but I simply could not do it anymore. He and I are complete opposites. I will always love him, but I can not be with him anymore. But ever since I made the decision, I have been feeling better. I have more good days than bad, so I do not know exactly why that is happening.
I just do not understand what is going on with him. I want to help him but he is so confusing, contradicts himself, and acts strange. We have both agreed to be good friends so I want to be there for him, but I really do not know how. Every time we are together he always has to say something negative I did in the marriage. Which I know he is just acting out because he is probably pissed at me but he still does not understand why I ended the marriage even though I have explained it to him many times.
Does anyone have any advice?
Men are confusing....especially my soon to be ex husband
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Cultbeauty
deep breathing is first.
He is a man and they are wired funny. If you can put what you think he might want in the garage for a short time and ask him again in 3 months. if he still does not want it and you don't want it tell him you are going to sell it or give it to charity.
When he brings up the past just stop him and say that is in the past and i do not want to rehash it. Then change the subject and move on.
1men aren't used to getting dumped, he's not handling it very well. i agree with sam.
2Nope. If you are feeling better, just keep doing what you're doing. I hope it all works out for you both, and the kids.
3It's so much easier to distill people at a distance that I would never hazard advice for either of you. Life is hard enough for us as individuals and then we go and add complications..like relationships.
4In truth, it's difficult to change...and it is painful. Give these things some time in order to seek the rationality of it all. Feelings are harder to express for men, just typically, and women can talk about details in or lives to strangers. Men, again generally, have hard times admitting certain things to themselves, but they do it and then are finally able to cope, perhaps, with admitting such to others close to them.
This is, after all, still a relationship. With change, someone usually feels he or she has lost something more than the other. It hurts and admitting that hurt is often a sign of weakness. He will talk to you when he feels unthreatened...and that means when he's ready. Give him support and give him time.
i agree to Samantha - because you do live in the present and not in the past and negativity is the least you need now...
keep it up!
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