I was wondering if anyone has this problem or if anyone tells a woman that she is not "right" in the head for not wanting kids. The guy I blogged about before came over and we had a nice conversation about different things and then he asked the question as to when I was going to have kids because I will be 30 next year. I told him that I already have kids (my animals) and that I was not planning on having kids. For one, I do not think the whole pregnant/labor thing is in my definition of worth it or fun plus I can not even imagine what kinds of problems the kid would have between my medical condition and things like that. Not to mention there is no room for a kid, and most importantly I just really do not want kids. I don't hate or dislike kids, I just prefer not to have them. I just never imagine myself as a mother type. I do not look down on women who want to have kids or want many kids, I just do not understand why people look down on me. Men seem to be the harshest critics lately. He told me that I was not right in the head for not wanting kids because I was a woman. This is where my whole gut instinct kicked in thinking that maybe this guy was not a person I would want to become friends with. He seemed to have a big problem with my decision even though my decision has no effect on him whatsoever. I told him I would not mind seeing his kids or grandchildren and I do not mind talking about kids as long as it is not hours and hours. But I guess what I am trying to say is that this took me off guard (which rarely happens) and now I have to explain to him about how I feel. We had this conversation on his way out cause he had to go. I will speak to him again and tell him that if he cannot except the fact that I do not want to have children and continue to badger me about it, then the friendship is over. I swear I felt like he was trying to convert me into a religion or something the way he was talking to me. I felt disrespected and angry and a little upset.
I have been seeing more and more women who decide not to have kids for their own personal reasons. Some of my reasons are vain, some are logical, and some are just personal opinions on the matter. I am not against kids, I just do not want to have any right now and if I ever do change my mind, which I have not changed my mind in 29 years, then maybe I will adopt one or become a foster parent. But for now I am perfectly happy with my animal kids.
Playtex
I comment in the other post about my personal choice before I read this! Well you are explaining all my feelings! I feel exactly like you!!!! But I'm over all this thing becase I'm older and at last, people live you alone! but when i'm in my 30's was a hell...
1It seems that if you r woman you must have kids or something wrong happens, but is not truth! All the women don't need have a kid, is ok! I have a stepdaughter, a niece and a nephew, I love both of them! but is enough for me, i never don't need my own child! One of the reasons of my divorce was that! Now, Im live happy whit my partner. He have a daughter and don't need to have more kids, so is perfect!
I think it's all about mind because i am 22 years old and i do want to have children someday.....And from time to time all the women thinks that they're not the "mother type" but when they take their baby in their arms they feel like "ohh it's the best feeling ever" or something like that....I think the logic behind wanting to have children is deducible..It's based on LOVE !!! If you love someone so madly you probably want him/her baby..
2Dear Monique
& 
3i never wanted kids either - and i still think till today that i am not really a good mom. i got kicked this week by a woman who is a mother of an only child and she said things to me fm "really sick till treating my kids brutally" - i.e. to make them self-dependent the way i do/did. For example - my daughter should not be able to bind her shoe laces all by herself at that age (6) and then i would be even proud of it. BTW: my daughter told her bluntly: i like the way mom is teaching us - we learn more. Then she answered: you see? your kids are already going round the bend - they will be nutcases later, you will see. And besides: asking kids at that age? They have nothing to say at that age... She also accused me that the night when my son had peed in his bed and he changed himself put all the clothes away and did not wake anyone of us up. She did not understand this behaviour and accused me of being a bad mom - because the "right way" would have been to wake me up - i.e. Mustafa should have come to me and wake me up instead of doing this all by himself... I would treat them the way kids should not be treated and it was irresponsible. I told her that i was at the age of my daughter and went alone to ballet classes (with 6) and even took the tram to get there (abt 8 kms away fm our village) and back. she said that was not normal and i was too young for that. since i was so agitated and "shocked" i told the whole story to my boyfriend. He just said: SHE IS JEALOUS - let her go - she is bad. That is all.
THAT makes me tell you the following: First of ALL - he is a man - ask him if he would love to be in your position - cause i have the impression - he should have been born as a woman - then - he might have a point there- i.e. when having gone through menstruation and also through your sickness. SEcondly he has not even the right to accuse you of such a thing - IT IS YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND AND FINALLY YOUR DECISION - that is it. i think the problem is not yours - but his. if he accuses you the next time - go. Just let him talk - maybe he wakes up and realizes his behaviour - yet i think he is blind and deaf - at the same time; PLUS - he has no manners and no feelings!
do it as my bf said: LET HIM GO!
I have wrote so fast and I have explained so bad, sorry! That I would say is that since I was 30 years old I didn't know for sure if I wanted kids or no, that year was very special to me for several reasons. I thought a lot about it and i decided NO. Now I'm in my 40's and never regret that decision. I love soooo much my partner but I never had the feeling "I want one baby with him". I think is ok, and if you change your mind the next 10 years and love so much someone and want a baby with him, is ok too. Is your choice!!!!
4And Ivee, dear, I can't think you are a bad mom at all!
Sorry about my English, I really hate don't be able to express better
Gatara - YOUR ENGLISH IS FINE - we do understand you - that is the main thing - if others have a problem with it - then they shall have - i.e. if i wish to understand you i do my best to
5Thank you Ivee! Sometimes I write first and i think later, then when I read what i have wrote, is like OMG
but I know you are all so lovely and kind 
6Un abrazo!
you are our friend - that is why it is normal to do the best to understand you - and if not ASKING -
anyway - YOU ARE WONDERFUL THE WAY YOU ARE 
too 
7Gatara, my english is not perfect,either but i do understand you
pls don't hesitate
8Thank you ladies, you are the best!!!
9Monique - I totally understand where you're coming from. Especially in the area of "I don't want my kids to inherent any physical illnesses".
I do want kids someday, but I have an auto immune disease (came about when I was 19) and there's no cure for it. There's not even a lot known about it... 3 women in my family have it -- we all got it when we were below age 25.
All in all, it's your choice, your body, like said above. Ignore people who try to guilt trip you. Sometimes they aren't able to see the other side.
You can't win them all.
10I respect your right to choose what you want. People need to be true to themselves and follow what they feel.
11I hate this and the pressure to get hitched. Some people prefer to advance in their career before they start a family and some people just aren't into that scene at all.
12The real issue is existential: it is ONLY your decision and, although you have to bear whatever consequences proceed from that, it only belongs to you.
13On the other hand, I understand your friend's point of view to some degree. I would have turned it around on him and asked him how he was obligated in the ways of raising children; did he feel compelled to be married and support a household in which his wife would stay home and raise the kids? If not, as far as I am concerned, that's a problem for him. I didn't follow my own advice, but I think it would make for a much better household. I've already been the one who was too tired to pay any attention to my other half when I came home after a terrible week or long trip. If I were to do it again, I wouldn't try to play super mom.
Thank you all, I have been having an issue with this ever since I was in my early 20's. pressures from other people. I have not changed my mind but it seems like that is all they want to talk about. I have never been to a baby shower because those are not for me and even though I am happy when someone has a kid and they want one, I do not go overboard with joy. I am just tired of defending myself when the subject comes up. I am glad that everyone understands where I am coming from.
14some advice-most of the people pressuring to get married or have kids are the ones that arent happy!
as you get older and dont have kids or stayed unmarried, most people will envy you cause they are not happy being married.
15I stated my position on the "quizz" blog, no need to repeat here.
16Monique, you shouldn't have to keep defending yourself, to him or anyone else for that matter. YOU are the one to decide if you want children or not, no one else. And don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty for choosing not to have children, or doing something else you don't want to do. It's your body, and your business, not theirs. Just let him know you will not discuss it with him any further.
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